A lot on my mind

I am going through a LOT right now.
2 weeks ago i went to the gyno to get an IUD and a pap.

Of course he did a breast exam. No big deal or at least I thought. he was concentrating a little too much attention on this one spot on my right boob (cant call it breast because I associate the word breast with cancer). He kept going back to it which was weird because there shouldn't be any issues there.
He said he felt a lump BUT it could just be a lumpy part of my cycle. Nothing to worry about but he would recheck it when i came in for the IUD.
So Nov. 6th I went back.
I was pretty confident because everyone had been telling me that it is common, don't worry, its nothing, all week. Plus I checked myself while I was in the shower that morning and I didn't feel anything. Of course, I don't know what I am looking for.
Drove to the doc. Went in. He did the breast exam again. He was still concentrating in that one spot.
No change.
I have a 3x4cm mass in my right boob.
have to get a mammogram and ultrasound next Tuesday. Followed by meeting with a surgeon to go over the results.

That was a weird day.
On the way to the docs office, I was thinking about Ayden's football games this weekend.
On the way back, I was thinking about life insurance.
I gave myself sometime on Friday to cry, whine, feel sorry for myself.
But that is all the time I will spend worrying about it.
Or at least I thought.
I focused on the kids all weekend. And just had a great time.
Then on SUNDAY at 9:03pm my phone rings. I answer and its a lady that is asking for donations to breast cancer research.
Well that killed the mood.

Now I am sitting here researching mammograms, lumps, masses, breast cancer etc.
I am dealing with the "what ifs?"
What if it IS breast cancer?
What if I die?
What if I have to go to chemo?
What if I cant go back to school?
What if I cant volunteer at Trystan's school anymore?
What if I lose my hair?
How will my family cope?
I do everything around here. What if I am not here to do it?

I guess I will find out on next Tuesday. Until then I will try to push all these worries aside and put on my best smiling face.
I just hope it isn't bad news.