Pathetic

Pathetic is the only way I can describe my life right now. Not all aspects of it, just my half assed career goals. I am 32 years old and I still have no clue what I want to do in life.

I am a server now and I am not happy. I don't want to serve anyone. Sometimes I don't even feel like serving my own family. And I sure as hell don't want to serve yours.

So next year my son will be in Kindergarten. The following year, all of the kids will be in school full time. Which I planned on being out of this business by then. Which means I have one year. One year to decide what my goals are. One year to find what I am meant to do.One year to figure out what I am passionate about doing. One year to figure out what my career will be for the rest of my life!
The rest of your life is a really long time for most people. Well it is if you manage to live long. That is one hell of a commitment.
Especially if you wake up one day at 32 years old and figure out that you are not passionate about anything. My ideal day would be waking up eventually, watching tv, playing with the kids, going online and going to bed. maybe throw some shopping in there, lunch with friends, & cocktails. Perfect day!!! But that doesn't pay. I need money.

So what is it that I am supposed to do?
My goal used to be by the time I was 30 to own a few horses, teach kids how to ride (show jumping) and just be a trainer. Of course when I had that goal I was also training for the Florida Circuit and supposed to follow that up with qualifying at least for the Olympic trials. That didn't work. I got pregnant.
Now the only horse I can afford is a stuffed horse head with a stick for a body. Wonder if anyone wants to learn how to ride that? lol

After my horse dreams died, there really hasn't been anything to replace it.
I am not passionate about anything.
My journey to finding out what I want to be when I grow up has begun. And the clock is ticking, quickly.